While not every single mistake we make in life or tough luck circumstance is our fault, have you ever considered how much easier and happier your life would be if you attached blame to yourself for the majority of things that don’t go your way? And before you come to a misguided rationalization of “isn’t that being too hard on yourself?” there are all kinds of levels of this and this philosophy isn’t intended to make you angry at yourself or sad at your own inactivity (unless there truly is reason to feel that way).
In life, it’s much easier to blame others and situations for things that go wrong but in 100% of cases there’s usually an attachment to yourself that you can find. In business, as we discuss so many times here, you can trace 100% of the things that go wrong to yourself. No matter which way you cut it, holding yourself and not others accountable will bring you to a better level of connection to yourself as well as provide you better direction in your career.
If you have a boss who is riding you constantly and you’re in a place where no matter what you do or say you have no chance at promotion or any chance of your boss being nice to you, whose fault is it? Is it your boss’s fault for being that kind of person, or is it your fault for not taking action to improve your situation? While you might not be able to quit your job this second, can you look for another job? Yes. Can you start a side business so that you can eventually quit? Yes. Can you talk to your boss about it even though you doubt it’ll do anything? Yes. Do you see the pattern here? There’s always a way to bring it back to you and when you bring it back to you, you relieve the stress you feel by being angry at the other person.
Do you have a client that’s just awful? They haven’t paid you in months. Their level of communication is garbage. At some point you have to look at yourself in this situation right? Why are you still connected to them? Why haven’t you cut them off. You’ve got to take a hard look at yourself in this situation. Your client may never chance but you can certainly take action.
In a bad relationship? Whose fault is it? Of course there are situations that aren’t your fault the moment they happen but again, can you trace it back to you? 100% of the times, yes you can. If you have a significant other that is cheating on you, that’s clearly not your fault right? On the surface yes. And believe me, I’m not saying you should blame yourself. But you need to look at the situation and trace back your relationship to where there may have been doubts. Did you see it coming? If not, why? Were you just completely duped? If so, why? Why didn’t the relationship end sooner?
I bring up these examples because these are relatively extreme cases and many might disagree with my logic. What I’m not trying to do is mislead you to blame every single thing on yourself. Rather, that when things go wrong, instead of first blaming someone or something, to take a look at yourself for a potential mistake you might have made so that you can correct it in the future.
If you’re going to blame someone, blame yourself. Life’s easier and more productive that way. Check out the video above for me ranting about it.