How To Be Honest Without Hurting: About Sincerity With Care

Have you had instances where you wanted to confront someone for the wrong they did to you, but you avoided it because you were afraid of the repercussions? Or maybe, you did confront them, but you did it in a way that left them feeling attacked and the situation worsens? This article is for you. Conflict is inevitable, and here, we’ll learn how you can approach conflicts with both sincerity and care, rather than one or the other.

What Is Sincerity With Care?

First, let’s explore what sincerity and care mean separately:

Sincerity: This means to be genuine and authentic. You’re able to say what you mean, and there are no hidden meanings behind your words that people need to watch out for.
Care: Care is empathy. This helps you understand the perspective of others and consider their feelings. It helps you navigate conversations with respect, showing a genuine concern for the emotions and plight of others as you acknowledge that the words you use can hurt even if you mean well.

When you put the two concepts together, sincerity becomes the core of your message. You want to get your point across or voice your frustrations with complete honesty. Care helps make sure that your message doesn’t come off as aggressive, inconsiderate, or an attack. In any conversation, you want to combine sincerity and care so that you can have constructive, growth-focused dialogue without causing emotional hurt to the person you’re speaking to.

Why We Tend To Avoid Honesty

Communicating sincerely and with care is usually beneficial, but people are often averse to it. There are a few barriers to honest and caring communication:

Fear of being disliked: Everyone wants to be liked. When you’re in a situation where you want to voice an unpopular opinion, or address something that someone else has done to you, you may worry about negative judgement from others around you.
Fear of damaging the relationship: In relationships, we often worry that being critical could irreparably harm the connection. However, if voicing a valid concern in a healthy manner leads to a damaged relationship, then the relationship wasn’t healthy to begin with.
Past negative experiences: If previous attempts at honesty had led to difficult situations, your trauma might condition you to avoid it.
Lack of confidence: Not everyone is taught how to approach difficult conversations, so many people simply avoid them.

Even things like neurodivergence and waking up on the wrong side of the bed can have an effect here. Both sleep and ADHD can cause a person to either avoid difficult conversations. People with ADHD tend to lie more in their childhood, which is usually a coping mechanism when struggling with impulsivity or doing a sequence of tasks. A simple lack of sleep means you wouldn’t have the energy to tackle an emotionally-draining conversation.

Exploring The Consequences Of Sincerity Without Care, And Care Without Sincerity

Brutal Honesty

Sincerity without care is brutal honesty. It isn’t uncommon to meet people who champion this as a positive trait but usually it seems that the people who preach brutal honesty care more about the brutality rather than the honesty. Let’s explore the consequences of sincerity without care:

Is perceived as aggressive or shaming: Brutal honesty triggers defensiveness because it often feels like an attack. Now, rather than tackling the issue, your partner feels the need to defend themselves, which leads to further unproductive arguments.
Damages rapport: In any relationship, communication is facilitated through established trust. Brutal honesty leaves your partner feeling disrespected and attacked.
Shuts down communication: When engaging in brutal honesty, dialogue is often ended because it leaves the other person feeling attacked or misunderstood. Rather than constructively approaching the cause of the conflict while being considerate of your partner’s capacity to receive the information, it might come off as a vent session.

Withheld Honesty

Care without sincerity is withheld honesty. It avoids conflict, but it comes at a cost to yourself. Let’s explore what happens when you avoid honesty because of fear of hurting others:

Misunderstandings: When you don’t explain what’s causing you to feel the way you do, others will try to guess. Usually, these guesses end up being incorrect.
Resentment: When you avoid bringing up conflicts you have with someone else in order to avoid confrontation, those feelings don’t just go away. They’ll simmer inside you, and eventually, it breeds resentment. Meanwhile, the other person hasn’t even been given a chance to make things right.
Leads to lack of trust: When people realize that you aren’t being open about your feelings and that you’re avoiding conflict, they won’t be able to trust you.

How You Can Be Honest Without Hurting

Ask if it’s a good time: People aren’t always in the right headspace for a difficult conversation. Ask first if it’s a good time to have a difficult but important conversation, and if they aren’t ready, ask them to let you know when they are.
Use the “Sandwich technique”: Critique is better received when it’s dished out with compliments or positive comments. Try to appreciate what the other person has done right, and mention it in the conversation as you bring up the problem.
Manage your emotions: Try to remain as calm as possible. Raising your voice will make it difficult to get your point across. If you feel like your emotions are getting a hold of you, take a break to recuperate.
Be articulate: When you’re having a difficult conversation with someone, try to be specific and clear while still being gentle.
Empathize: Even if you don’t agree with what the other person is saying, showing empathy will make them more likely to hear you out, and it will make them feel heard.

What You’ll Gain From Sincerity With Care

When you learn to speak with both sincerity and care, you’ll benefit in the following ways:

Reduced long-term stress: By addressing problems with care and honesty instead of avoiding them, you’ll prevent a build-up of anxiety and resentment in the future.
Enhances self-respect: When you’re able to approach others and be honest about issues you have with them, you’ll be aligning your actions with your values. This fosters an enhanced sense of self-respect.
Fosters mutual respect: The people around you will feel comfortable in sharing their different perspectives because they know they won’t be judged or attacked for it.

Conclusion

Learning to talk to others while being both honest and compassionate is a learned skill. Most people just have one or the other. Though it will be difficult to learn this skill, it’s well worth the effort. You’ll notice the people around you becoming more trusting with you, and your own stresses will evaporate away as you figure out how to deal with them at the root. With practice, you’ll learn how to be genuine to yourself and others, without causing harm.